Never to Be Staged In Real Life

And so the cast has been announced for my next one-act . . . a half-hour, two-person short being staged in July by Insurgent Theatre as a companion piece to Peter J. Woods’ Systems. Suffice it to say, the cast of two men is going to be an interesting contrast to the voices of two women I was hearing in my head when I wrote the play, but as the script does not specify male or female actors for the roles, there isn’t any real problem with the casting. It was a bit strange for me to realize that the voices of two specific actresses were running through my head as I wrote the script . . . which got me thinking about the vast number of actors I’ve seen onstage in five years covering theatre in Milwaukee. It also got me thinking about some of the plays I’ve read which I’ve never seen staged . . . here then are some plays I’d like to see produced in Milwaukee with lists of dream casts culled from actors recently seen in local theatre . . .

DRUNK ENOUGH TO SAY I LOVE YOU?

Hypothetically Starring: Gerard Neugent as Sam “a country” and Jason Economus as Guy “a man.”

This 2006 political play by Caryl Churchill (Far Away) is an exceedingly clever premise, but as it is only 45 minutes with no intermission, it is unlikely to ever be produced unless it can be paired with some other suitably political piece . . . someone should do this play, though. Seriously.

ROAD TO NIRVANA

Hypothetically Starring: James DeVita as Al, Cesar Gamino as Jerry and Deborah Staples (or maybe Angela Iannone) as Nirvana.

This 1989 Arthur Kopit comedy is one of my favorites. Kopit’s dialogue is brilliantly witty and the plot is cleverly laid-out. It’s set in Hollywood—two filmmakers have a conversation revealing just how far they are willing to go for success. I don’t think that the age differential between DeVita and Gamino would necessarily work for the play, but this is only a dream cast, so I guess that wouldn’t matter . . . the two of them would have a naural rhythm for the dialogue . . .

AN AS OF YET UNWRITTEN COMEDY

Hypothetically Starring: Emily Trask, Alison Mary Forbes, Susan Currrie and probably close to a dozen others who aren’t immediately springing to mind

Honestly, some of the best comic talents to grace local stages in the past half decade have been women, but I’m almost totally convinced that there hasn’t been a single decent comedy with a predominantly female ensemble cast written in the history of theatre. Someone should do something about that . . .

THE FIRST CELESTIAL ADVENTURE OF MR. FIRE EXTINGUISHER

Hypothetically Starring: Lee Ernst as Mr. Shriekshriek, Tim Chrapko as Mr. Antipyrine, Fire-Extinguisher and Jonathan West (or perhaps Tristan Tzara) as Tristan Tzara

As long as I’m getting over-indulgent, I may as well include this Dadaist script by Tzara complete with a cast that would be a borderline impossibility. I’m picturing it staged at the Marcus Center, The Marcus Amphitheater or the middle of the intersection of Water and Wisconsin at noon on a Monday.