I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I’ve got bigger fish to fry not to mention turkeys I’d like to behead than to pony up a regular jam-chocked essay for you’s this week, I kid you not. Besides, it’s been my experience that regular readers aren’t up to navigating my little section of this here back page this time of year anyways on account of either being struck down by the dropsies from the too-much holiday feasting or they’re busy navigating their way out of county jail due to the aggravated battery charge acquired right before the pumpkin pie was served at the extended-family Thanksgiving get-together. Yeah, I know, sometimes the in-laws really do deserve what’s coming to them, civil ordinance be damned, what the fock.

Gone fishing.

I’m Art Kumbalek and manoh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, seems I was a tad half-assedly premature when last week I declared victory in my valiant campaign for the presidency of these United States. I suppose I could see about a recount, but I just don’t feel like subjecting the nation to that...

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? And so, my fellow Americans (you know who you are), let me tell you that it’s been a gosh darn long and twisted road that The Art Kumbalek Democracy Express for 2008 has traveled, lo, these past 22 years, and I would like to take this opportunity...

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, this here is the final think-piece of essay I can whip out in which maybe I can convince some of you’s undecided voters to swing my way and punt The Art Kumbalek Democracy Express 2008 all the way to the White House come Election Day...

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? And what an in-focking-credible time of year this is, I kid you not, especially if you’re a baseball fan. I don’t know about you’s, but I find it mighty comforting to know that the World Series and a female bear on birth control still have one thing in common—no Cubs.

I’m Art Kumbalek and manoh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, hard to believe there’s only a couple of hands-full of days finally left before we all got to go choose the next commander-in-chief who won’t be from Texas or Arkansas. Where does the time go? Seems like only yesterday plus a hundred years that...

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, as a folksy candidate for the presidency of the United States without a pot to pee in, I figured the best thing I could do right now, right here, is to skip writing a weekly essay and rather meet up with my campaign brain trust...

I'm Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain'a? So listen, just like everybody else around Our Town, I got to take a pause here and wallow in the wonderment that the former Seattle Pilots are back in the baseball big-buck playoffs bonanza after a heinous hiatus lasting 26 years, thanks to the bailout provided by two young men, CC Sabathia and Ryan Braun, to one of the most postseason bankrupt teams in the National League. One black, one white. God bless America.

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh man manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I’ve got a pretty big honking announcement to make in regard to the late-surging Art Kumbalek Democracy Express 2008 For Any and All Political Office. As Sky Masterson noted in the classic musical Guys and Dolls: "I am not putting the knock...