Leaving On a Brett Plane

Once again, the Observers were in the right place at the right time! Frank arrived for a vacation in his hometown on Long Island just in time to behold the dawn of the “Brett the Jet” era. He could hardly wait to report to Artie by phone.

Frank: Frenzy, absolute frenzy! Screaming headlines, breathless television reportage, endless gasbagging by the radio talkers. The Wisconsin media had some nice touches in the last couple of weeks, especially the “follow the SUV” aerial shots, but no one over-reports a story like the New York tabloids.

Artie: Some highlights, please.

Frank: Newsday did the most, which is only fitting since it’s the newspaper of Long Island, which has always been a big Jets territory.

They’ve had their practice facility at Hofstra University in Hempstead for decades, although in a couple of months they’re relocating to New Jersey, having finally realized that they actually play there.

Anyway, Newsday had 15 full pages about Favre—15!—wrapped around their regular news sections last Friday. And after his first practice, the first seven pages of Newsday’s sports section on Sunday were Brett-icized.

Artie: I hear those tabloids are famous for their wild and wacky headlines. How about a sampling?

Frank: “Broadway Brett” was one they all used a lot—and it inspired New York’s Mayor Bloomberg, a pal of the Jets owner, to bring Favre down to City Hall and hand him a Broadway street sign. That, in turn, prompted someone in the press to ask what part of Broadway runs through East Rutherford, N.J. The New York Post was a lit tle obvious after the Bloomberg session with “So Favre, So Good.” They rallied Sunday with “Fans Feeling Eu-4-ia” after 10,000 people—said to be four times the usual turnout—watched his first practice. And my favorite was in the Daily News, which even used punctuation to tell the world, “Brett Breaks Sweat!”

Artie: So the vote is unanimous, and I should get my money down now: The Jets are Super-Bowl bound.

Frank: Well, there are some dissenters. The headline writers are one thing, but some of the columnists and radio gasbags aren’t convinced. The New York media never tire of telling everyone how tough they are, and they’ll be looking hard for signs of mortality in Favre. Chris Russo, one of the leading bloviators on the main radio station, WFAN, listed Favre’s most recent playoff failures—against the Falcons, Vikings, Rams, Eagles and Giants—and noted that “This is New York, and if the Jets go 10-6 and lose in the playoffs it won’t be ‘great season,’ it’ll be ‘here we go again.’ “ And he added ominously, “Then in February we’ll go through this whole retirement thing again.” And can anyone doubt that’ll happen?

Artie: They won’t let him retire. Ever. Remember that song from West Side Story that says when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way... to your last dyin’ day? Sure you can retire—and your going-away gift is to find yourself wrapped and floating face down in the East River.

Frank: A Newsday columnist quoted Favre as saying that it would take some time for him to get in sync with the Jets. Then he wrote, “Well, he’d better hurry. New York has him on the clock.”

Artie: And I’ll bet that clock is connected to a time bomb.

Frank: Of course the New York media also found time to stick it to the Wisconsin media. Another of the WFAN guys said, “The media kissed Favre’s rear end all those years, even though no big-name quarter back has made as many dumb decisions in games. If he does that here, it won’t be ignored.” And a Daily News columnist said the New York scribes were hip to Favre’s media strategy: “It involves giving quality time only to select members of the national TV media rather than the local grunts.” That was oh-so-true in Wisconsin, but the self-important New York guys won’t suffer that in silence.

Artie: How ‘bout Joe Six-Pack and his lovely wife Jane, how’re they feeling?

Frank: The fan reaction seems to be generally positive—not surprising when you see the 4-12 next to the Jets in last year’s standings. One fan I met in a store said, “It’s Christmas morning for me.” But the two big Jets fans in my family aren’t so sure. My brother-in-law said the team should have stuck with Chad Pennington, and my nephew said, “So they’ll go from 4-12 to 6- 10. Whoop-dee-doo.”

Artie: Now that’s some New York tough talk!

Frank: Jets fans, like Mets fans, are used to playing second fiddle. The stereotype, not entirely false, is that they’re the lunch pail folks as opposed to the Wall Street rob ber barons who root for the Giants and Yankees. Now they’re building a new Giants/Jets stadium in Jersey, and the word is that Jets fans will get hit with humongous “seat license” fees to go with ever more humongous ticket prices. And with the hated Giants winning the Super Bowl, I guess they needed something to get excited about. But of course Favre is facing a tough task. One WFAN caller said, “The expectations are through the roof.” And if the expectations aren’t met...

Artie: Brett might wind up missing some of that Cheesehead love.

Frank: Everything is beautiful right now, though, even though by his own admission the first practice was no day at the beach. I swear, after seeing that gonzo Olympic opening ceremony, I was sure the Jets were gonna have Favre parachute from a blimp onto the practice field. I guess that didn’t happen; the practice facility is close to my town, but unlike Brett I opted for a genuine day at the beach.

Artie: The Olympics just get better from here. Don’t forget the riveting dressage competition where guys in top hats sit on a horse.

Frank: My friend, the Olympics are already a huge success for me. I’ve gotten my quadrennial fix of bad minton, field hockey and team handball!

Artie: I’ve heard tell that the smog is really thick over there in Beijing. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that every time I’ve tuned my TV to the Olympics, the smoke alarms in my apartment start beeping and won’t quit.

Frank: I thought the opening ceremony was just as long, excessive and silly as always—although I must say they raised the bar with the torch-bearer hoisted to the rafters and pretending to run around the top of the stadium. Then again, none of it was any sillier than the usual Super Bowl halftime show, and maybe, just maybe, the Olympics stand for something a little more idealistic than the NFL.

Artie: Those Chinese sure picked out a swell slogan for their shebang: “One World One Dream.” I’ll tell you, the fuehrer could n’t have put it any better, ain’a?

Frank Clines labored almost 20 years in the sports department at the Milwaukee Journal and Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, and covered the Brewers part-time for most of those years.

Art Kumbalek once considered auditioning for the role of Officer Krupke in a fast-food dinner theater production of West Side Story.