Bring Out the Grog

This place is awful. I mean AWFUL. First of all, it's not pirate-themed. They have a picture of a pirate on the sign outside, and the cook sort of looks like one, but that's it. Aside from those two things, it's just another dirty Bay View bar. And I don't mind dirty Bay View bars--as long as that's what I'm expecting when I walk in. I was expecting something a bit more unique from this place, especially after reading the Shepherd's glowing review, which apparently was written by someone who had been eating prison food for every meal before visiting this hole. I got the sautéd tuna steak, and my wife got the sautéd salmon. They tasted like crap. The tuna was low-quality, slimy, over-cooked and probably a week old. The rice was the consistency of mashed potatoes. And my dish was the better of the two. The bathrooms were filthy. They had no paper towels--only a stack of napkins. Have you ever tried to dry your wet hands with a napkin? It crumbles into little spit balls. Also, the night we were there, the phone lines were down, so they couldn't accept credit cards. Cash only. OK, phone lines go down. It happens. But they didn't tell us this until AFTER they brought the bill. Luckily, we had cash. But what if we hadn't? Don't wait until the end of the meal to tell people you're only accepting cash. And it stunk. No separation at all between the smoky bar and the dining area. All in all, what we have here is a place suffering from an identity crisis. It claims to be "pirate fusion"--and it probably could be with some work. For now, it's just a dive bar that was decorated after one trip to a rummage sale. The menu reads like something out of an upscale restaurant--elaborately prepared dishes using interesting blends of ingredients like mango, leeks, shitake mushrooms and exotic cheeses. Yet they don't have the resources (quality ingredients or knowledgeable staff) to pull these dishes off. Given the appearance of the place and the quality of the food, maybe they just need to commit to a format they can handle--a Bay View dive bar that serves burgers, onion rings and cheap beer. At least then, no one would go into the place with high expectations and walk out disappointed. I give this place until July.

Ahoy matey! I see lame.

Ok. I'm definitely going to this place. It sounds like the most bizzare thing I can possibly imagine. Milwaukee, Pirates, and dishes with the word "surprise" in them? How do you pass this one up?